I am a Natural Parent, But…..

Welcome to the second edition of the “I’m a Natural Parent – BUT…” Carnival

This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and our feminist {play}school. During this carnival our participants have focused on how mainstream society has affected their natural parenting and how they have come to peace with this.

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that “natural parenting” means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.

 

 

I didn’t join this club. Really, I didn’t. The parenting that we practice is an extension of the life that we live, just like the life I crafted for myself in my marriage was an extension of the life that I lived as a single woman. Raising my son in a gentle,  nurturing and family-focused home makes the most sense to me. But I love the fringe benefits of the natural parenting community. Amazing people, amazing resources and amazing kids. Would I lose my ‘membership’ for my big, nasty natural parenting secret? Unlikely. Mostly, because for all the joking about a club, that isn’t what being a natural parent is about. It isn’t about excluding people who do use disposable, or cribs or jars of baby food. It is, as my husband has said,

do the very best for your family that you can, as often as you can.

Natural/Gentle/Attachment parenting is a part of who I am, and I don’t fight it. That said, I also don’t deny or ignore the elements of our life that perhaps don’t mesh with an all-out natural approach to life. For example: we live in a city, we had a car until last month, we consume things like books, clothes, we use toilet paper. I colour my hair with products, and I hate my Diva Cup – opting for natural organic cotton tampons.

Where my parenting is concerned, I don’t really have many ‘naughty’ secrets to share, but there is something that has come about that shocks me a little bit.

I was certain that I could do this whole parenting thing without a screen. I thought, naively and somewhat pompously, that I would never want to plop my son down in front of sesame street and wash up the dishes (or edit some writing, or drink a cup of tea, or talk to my best friend in Ireland). I was so certain of this that I bought my kid a shirt that arrogantly proclaimed this fact to the world: TV Free Kid. 

Oh, I was wrong. But, I am also shocked by the vehicle that introduced Aodhan to the TV. It wasn’t me in a moment of desperation. It wasn’t walking through Best Buy. It wasn’t even hanging out at the home of friends who had televisions. Nope. It was an unexpected source.

It was a white-haired, kindly professor of ancient languages with the sweetest british accent, who, while visiting us over a christmas holiday introduced my tv-virgin son to….POCOYO. It was downhill from there. Seriously, I could almost see the mirth in Kevin’s dad’s eyes as he showed Aodhan the wonder of YouTube and Pocoyo. Apparently, when one falls asleep during a BBC-broadcast football match you are likely to wake to the wonders of Pocoyo narrated by one of my favourite actors: Stephen Frye.

I mean, we didn’t then jump in and buy a TV or a cable package. All of Aodhan’s TV is vetted heavily by Kevin and I, but he loves a screen. He has an iPad that he ‘shares’ with his mom, and he knows our computer passwords more readily than we do. When he sees a ‘real’ television screen he drags his finger across it with the savvy of an iphone-raised child who has more apps on his apple products than his mama does. Sigh.

But, I mean. Really? Do I really feel ok with this? Yes, yes I do. He didn’t even discover TV until he was 18 months old, we use it for homeschool practice and research that I just couldn’t offer him even with the greatest library system in the world at our finger tips ¹ We use it for yoga, we use it for connecting with our families that live in distant lands and we use it for entertainment.

This last month, while vacationing with family, his preprogrammed shows (mighty machines, franklin and maisy) were truly a life saver. He was able to watch/use the iPad throughout the 7 hour drive and that made it much more manageable for Aodhan. It was also a great break in the middle of the days when we had been hiking or exploring. I also offered Aodhan his iPad when I noticed that the emotional stress of having so much family in his space was testing him, but when he didn’t want to leave the group. I know that this would  be a perfect time to look down your nose at my parenting, but Aodhan doesn’t always want or need his parents soothing him through a situation at that exact moment. Sometimes he wants to cool down with something other than his all natural/organic/non-gendered toys. I know I want the chance to tune out at the end of an intense day. Why wouldn’t he? So, judge away. I own this part of our lives and feel that I have a good handle on it.

Time and place is my answer and a summer holiday was surely the place. I believe deeply in Natural Parenting and Natural Living. But, I also need to listen to my kid and acknowledge that it is ‘ok’ to live and do outside the box of expectation – otherwise, we would all be The Borg. And who wants that?

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• I’m a Natural Parent- BUT… – Carrie at Frugal Foodie Mama says “We breastfeed. We co-sleep. We babywear. But we do not cloth diaper. This post is about my reasons why I haven’t, and why I would still like to try it.”
• Am I Really a Natural Parent? – Valerie at Momma in Progress confesses maybe she’s a bit more mainstream than she thought.
• I’m a Crunchy Mama, BUT… – Shannon at GrowingSlower has learned that her food doesn’t grow on grocery store shelves, but she still has a long way to go.
• I’m a Natural Parent, but…my kid loves a screen – Lyndsay owns her son’s love for television programming, ipad and apps.
• Ashamed to Breastfeed – Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about how she was ashamed and intimidated to breastfeed in public.
• When they gotta go… – Jorje of Momma Jorje shares her EC weakness…
• Love For the Mainstream – Amy W. explains how letting a mainstream family into her life increased her self-awareness, and helps her to maintain balance while advocating for natural parenting.
• Weaning My Nursling – Alisha at Cinnamon&Sassafras reflects on her decision to wean her son, rather than waiting for him to decide.
• I’m a Natural Parent But…My Toddler is a Junk Food Junkie – Chanisa at City Girl Slash Hippie Mom talks about how she’s trying to get her two year old to have healthier eating habits
• I’m a Natural Parent – But…I’m Socially Awkward – Shannon of The Artful Mama talks about the difficulties she experiences maintaining her conviction when she experiences social resistance.
• Holding onto connection when traveling – Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to respect her children rather than demand obedience … but it’s so hard around family.
• What would the neighbours think?! – Teresa at This Savvy Mama talks about the pressures of balancing life skills with the realities of having two young children.
• French Fries and Diaper Blowouts – Arpita hosts a guest post detailing how, just every once in a while, the chaos of running a business can hamper even the most regimented natural parenting plans, and the sometimes messy (and stinky!) consequences!
• Confessions of a mostly natural parent – Jessica of Crunchy Chewy Mama feels good about many of the choices she makes but there are things she wants her kids to do, practice, and believes that she is not modeling for them.